Can't Wait To Meet You!

If baby number two is on the way, start building that sibling bond early, says child psychotherapist Milly Jenkins

When you discover you’re pregnant with baby number two, you’ll have high hopes—as well as a few worries, perhaps—about how your two children will get on with each other. You probably imagine them as best friends holding hands in a few years time. But how you introduce the idea to your toddler now can make a big difference to how he views the impending change—and new family member. By thinking about your pregnancy from his point of view, you’ll be able to prepare him in ways he’s more likely to engage with and understand. And there are lots of practical ways to help make sure he sees the birth of your baby as the arrival of his new best friend.

Tell him early

Even if you feel you haven’t changed in any way, there’s a chance your toddler will just know something is going on. You are the centre of his universe, so he’s well attuned to you. Wait until pregnancy is well established and you’re ready, but my advice is to tell your toddler as early as you can. Children have a really good sense of what is going on and can quickly pick up that something is different. This can be unsettling and might make him anxious: he may have a sense that something has changed, that your focus has shifted, and he may worry if he doesn’t know what that is.

So don’t leave him in ignorance, tell him at the same time as —or even before—family and friends. Children hear and understand more than adults realise—a 12-month-old can understand far more than he can communicate. And don’t think of the big reveal as one conversation, but the start of an ongoing talk as he gets used to this new and big idea.

Use words he understands