Raising a child in today&rsquo;s fast-paced times, requires parents to walk the tightrope of spending more time at home, and, earning more money to keep up with mounting expenses. With women walking shoulder-toshoulder with their spouses, career ambitions also demand a justifiable slice of the pie. As a result, it has become increasingly common to see both parents go out to work, leaving their wards behind with caregivers. This situation creates feelings of worry, fear and guilt in the parents, who constantly fret over whether their child feels secure in their absence, or not? However, it can be resolved with a few simple lifestyles and attitudinal changes that can make for a secure child and a happy home for all.SEPARATION ANXIETYAnxieties are a part of growing up. In fact, children exposed to anxieties are known to become resilient and stable in the long run. A major fallout of both parents working is the child&rsquo;s developing &lsquo;separation anxiety&rsquo;. Psychiatrist Dr Megha Mahajan of Fortis Hospital, Bengaluru avers that the levels of separation anxiety differ according to the child&rsquo;s age, and when it develops the concept of &lsquo;object permanence&rsquo; &ndash; which may be anytime between 5 to 9 months of age. At times, children skip the phase in infancy and only start having this anxiety by 18 months of age. She says, &ldquo;Babies do not yet possess the ability to remember or even think about things they cannot see. They operate on the basis of &lsquo;out of sight, out of mind&rsquo; because to them. Their entire world is only what they can see at any given moment. As long as their needs are being met, most babies younger than 6 months adjust easily to other people (caregivers) without much reaction. Sometime after 6 months, babies develop a sense of object permanence and begin to learn that things and people exist even when they&rsquo;re out of sight. Babies realize that there is a mother and when they can&rsquo;t see you, that means you&rsquo;ve gone away. But, they don&rsquo;t yet understand the concept of time or space; so, they do not know if or when you&rsquo;ll come back. Whether you&rsquo;re in the kitchen, in the next bedroom, or at the office, it&rsquo;s all the same to your baby. It is only when children develop independence during toddlerhood, they may become even more aware of separations. Their behaviours at separations will be loud, tearful, and difficult to stop. These get pronounced when the child is hungry, tired or sick.&rdquo;OTHER FALLOUTS OF SEPARATIONIf not handled in time, the anxieties can morph into other forms such as selective mutism, social anxiety, or specific phobias. Psychologist Ayesha Sagir Manappat of Aster CMI Hospital, Bengaluru, elaborates on this saying, &ldquo;Children around age 5 may develop selective mutism wherein they may refuse to speak in certain social situations or at school, even though they are very talkative at home. They may withdraw from others or avoid eye contact. Sometimes, they may develop social anxiety i.e. fear of participation or &acirc;&euro;&lsaquo;tsinteraction with peers. They may exhibit this fear through throwing tantrums, crying, clinging to adults, or avoiding social situations that provoke this fear. Some children may exhibit fear or anxiety about a specific object or situation. They will cry, freeze up, or cling to an adult when their fear is present. Children can have phobias that include animals, storms, needles, loud sounds, strangers, and enclosed spaces etc.&rdquo;<img src="https://magarticles.magzter.com/articles/140/333994/5c798e0326ec9/1551470021979.jpg"" owidth=1275 oheight=882" style="height:484px; width:700px" />THE GUILT TRIPIt does not ease matters when the anxieties of a child are supplemented with the parents falling into a guilt trip about not giving enough time to their ward. The process of making your child secure in your absence, begins by first making yourself secure about the fact that a double income is a necessity in today&rsquo;s expensive world; and, you are not doing anything wrong by working hard to provide your child with a good life in terms of education, comfort, and healthcare. Also, seeing both parents work, also has a good effect on the child&rsquo;s mindset in terms of the importance of hard work, sincerity, and responsibility. Parents must also remember that, in order to provide a good emotional upbringing to one&rsquo;s child, they should also keep nurturing their souls and sharpening their intellect. Hence, instead of wallowing in guilt, parents should adapt to the situation in a way such that the child develops trust instead of fear. Dr Mahajan insists that, if the tussle is between quality and quantity (of time spent with the child), parents should seek to add value to whatever time they have with their kids. Time well spent is more memorable than time spent but wasted. Invest the time and energy you spend feeling guilty towards thinking of creative ways to spend time with the baby. Try creating a schedule to ensure that you and baby get some amount of quality time every day, even if it&rsquo;s an only a few minutes reading a book together. Having bedtime or bath-time rituals gives a wonderful opportunity to bond with the child.TIPS TO MAKE YOUR CHILD FEEL SECUREHave a predictable and fixed routine:Having a predictable routine decreases a child&rsquo;s anxiety by building up its trust levels that it will be seeing its parents after a certain number of hours. Do not make drastic, sudden changes in the routine. Also, do not suddenly introduce new caretakers without easing the child into the impending change.Talk and bond: Strong bonding with the child &ndash; through regular touch, eye contact, and talking or singing - creates a foundation of trust, helping to inoculate your child against future anxiety. Maintain a continuous conversation (verbal and non-verbal) to ensure that the child confides its fears, worries, and problems to you well in time. Reassure the child that you are not neglecting it, but are completely on the case to resolve any issues in time.Timing is important: Avoid starting daycare or childcare with an unfamiliar person all alone when your child is between the ages of 8 months and 1 year as separation anxiety usually appears during this time. Try not to leave the child when he is tired, hungry, restless or sick. If possible, schedule your departures for after naps and mealtimes.Practice separation: Practice brief separations from each other and slowly introduce new people and places. Invite the caregiver (babysitter/relative) in advance, so that they can spend time together with the child in your presence. If your child is starting at a new daycare centre or preschool, make sure to pay a few visits there together before a full-time schedule begins.Sensitisation: Psychiatrist Dr Kersi Chavda of Hinduja Healthcare Surgical, Mumbai, stresses on the importance of sensitising a child to the absence of both parents, instead of just thrusting the situation on him/her, expecting them to toe the line. Start by allowing the child to remain with its caregiver for extended periods of time. &ldquo;Start extending this period over a span of time, so that the child becomes confident that you are going to return at one point. Avoid the temptation to sneak out to work &ndash; it only serves to increase their anxiousness. Often, a transitional item serves well to comfort the child in the absence of its parents. It could be anything that would remind the child of its parents&rsquo;.Be calm and consistent: Create an exit ritual during which you say a pleasant, loving, and firm goodbye. Stay calm and show confidence in your child. Reassure him/her that you&rsquo;ll be back, using concepts that they will understand (such as, after lunch/naptime). Give a hug, but don&rsquo;t prolong it. Be matter-of fact about your leave-taking. Do not treat it as something unusual, and definitely do not keep going back &amp; forth.The quality time before separation and after reunion: The most crucial times are when you are leaving the child in the morning and meeting them again in the evening. Keep some extra time you in morning hours so the separation happens in a calm and less anxious manner. In the evening, make sure to finish all important calls and work before meeting the child, in order to accord your undivided attention to him/her.Follow through on promises: Return when you have promised to. This is critical to help your child develop the confidence that he/she can make it through the time apart. Even when you are travelling, make time for a qualitative session on FaceTime or phone.A healthy, stable child isn&rsquo;t always nurtured by having parents around all the time. A strong, independent and balanced child is nurtured by giving them space yet being there for them. As long as you can assure your child that, it is safe and loved, irrespective of whether you are around 24/7 or not, working parents can also raise responsible, well-adjusted and well-balanced individuals out of their little kids.

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