So the big day has arrived. You are about to become a dad. You&rsquo;ve remembered the 793 things everyone said you should pack. Your partner&rsquo;s contractions are developing rather nicely. You&rsquo;re nearly there, job done, and it&rsquo;s plain sailing for you from here. Isn&rsquo;t it? Oh, no&mdash;there are many, many ways you can still mess up. Here&rsquo;s the modern Dad&rsquo;s guide to things you&rsquo;d better not even think about saying on the big B-day&hellip;Things not to say to your partner&bull; &lsquo;No, I won&rsquo;t pull over and&nbsp;ask that man with the dog for directions. I know exactly where we are. We&rsquo;ll drive around a bit more&mdash;we&rsquo;re bound to find the hospital soon&hellip;&rsquo;&bull; &lsquo;Look, I know the doctor said not to push yet, but if we really get a move on I can be home in time for Khatron Ke Khiladi.&rsquo;&bull; &lsquo;Oh love, I know it hurts&mdash;and I heard you the last 50 times you said it&hellip;&rsquo;&bull; &lsquo;Can&rsquo;t you keep it down a bit? It&rsquo;s been a really long day and I&rsquo;m trying to get 40 winks. Make sure you wake me up if something important happens, though.&rsquo;&bull; &lsquo;I&rsquo;m sure it&rsquo;s painful honey, but&nbsp;you want to try being a bloke and getting a knock in the down-belows&mdash;then you&rsquo;d really know about pain&hellip;&rsquo;&bull; &lsquo;No, no, stop! Don&rsquo;t grab! I&rsquo;ll give you the gas and air back in a minute. You&rsquo;ve had loads&mdash;it&rsquo;s my turn now. Don&rsquo;t be selfish.&rsquo;&bull; &lsquo;Hey sweetie, shush a minute &mdash;do your impression of a Tele tubby for everyone!&rsquo;&bull; &lsquo;I&rsquo;m just asking, so don&rsquo;t bite my head off or anything, but do you have anything planned for my dinner tonight? Or shall I just dial out for pizza?&rsquo;&bull; &lsquo;You want another snack bar? Do you think you should? You&rsquo;re going to have to shift almighty amount of weight it is&hellip;&rsquo;Things not to say to the Doc&bull; &rsquo;So a gynaec is a doc&nbsp;after all, right? I was wondering if you could take a look at this weird rash I&rsquo;ve developed. Hold this and let me just drop my trousers&hellip;&rsquo;&bull; &lsquo;Out of the way, I need to zoom in for a real close-up&hellip;.&rsquo;&bull; &lsquo;Now, listen: I&rsquo;m not trying to tell you how to do your job or anything, but are you sure there isn&rsquo;t another one hiding&nbsp;in there? I mean&mdash;just look at the size of her!&rsquo;Things not to say on seeing your baby for the first time&bull; &lsquo;Urgh, gross!&rsquo;

What Not To Say At The Birth

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You May Breathe Easy Now...

How You Can Get Your Tot To Make New Friends!

Stick To Your Resolutions

Stand by me

Introducing Solids How & When

Meet your new aeroplane

Breastfeeding: The Right Start

Hello, new life

Lights. Camera. Pose

Love step by step

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