Center Of Attention

After years of struggling with compulsive eating, Jessica Pell longs to feel at home in her body. The first step, says O life coach Martha Beck, is learning how to feel at home in the world.

WEIGHT HAS BEEN “the bane of my family’s existence,” says Jessica Pell, 47, of New York City. Her parents, who both had been chubby as kids, focused on diets, exercise, and, all too often, their daughter’s weight problem; Jessica has long relied on food to soothe herself. After graduate school, she gained a significant amount, then dropped 150 pounds, getting down to a size 8. Seven years later, however, she’s fallen into her old bingeing patterns, and the number on the scale has crept back up. Frustrated, Jessica called Martha Beck, who told her that the first step toward breaking a habit is to detach and observe it. Jessica gamely agreed to try an exercise called “The Wild Child and the Dictator,” in which she’d imagine both the needy part of herself that seeks food for comfort and the critical part of herself that wants to control her compulsive eating, then simply wish the two of them peace. How did it go? Let’s check in on their second session.

Martha Beck: Hi, Jessica! What’s going on? Did you try the exercise?

Jessica Pell: Yes. I tried to find toy figures to represent the wild child and the dictator because it helps me to focus on something tangible. The closest I could find to the wild child was Pigpen from Peanuts! [Laughs] Then a friend and I went to a spa, where we tried meditation— I’m not crunchy, but I’m trying to get out of my comfort zone. We used malas, those strings of prayer beads, and I found that holding one helped me stay focused during the exercise.

MB: Very creative!

JP: The more I practice, the more I understand how it feels not to be stuck as the wild child or the dictator. I just observe them. It’s stepping outside that cycle of bingeing and punishment.

MB: Amazing. You deserve a reward.