Help Wanted

How a growing network of men’s support groups is pushing back against the tide of toxic masculinity

- Sloane Crosley

I turn in to the parking lot shortly before 7pm, though I’m still not sure this is the place. It’s been dark for hours and the air is crisp for a December night outside Los Angeles. Finally a text comes through: “Where are you?” That’s when I spot them: nine men alone in a public park, standing in a circle.

This may not be Fight Club, but there are definitely rules. First things first: Don’t call them “guys". These are not dudes, homeboys or someone’s brother from another mother. They’re men. The second rule of not–Fight Club: Whatever happens in the park stays in the park. Participants may share lessons learned here with friends outside the circle, but any personal secrets the team members reveal tonight must remain confidential.

Right, team. That’s the third rule. “There is a negative connotation to the term support group", says Jason (who asked me not to use his real name). “A support group is a bunch of men making each other feel better. We don’t do that. We believe life is better lived as a team sport. We’re here to help you do everything you say you want to do.” Perhaps he’s splitting (receding) hairs, but over the next three hours I’ll witness grown men confronting some of their ugliest fears and worst memories. Some will cry. One will reveal a personal secret so dark it feels like an episode of HBO’s Room 104.

But first, some context.