Here's An Idea: Let's Just Get Rid Of Resignation Honours

The latest rumours on Boris Johnson's resignation honours list are not clear as to whether he has offered a mere knighthood or a full-blown peerage to his own dad, which is bad news for a anyone struggling to decide whether to just have a quiet little cry in a corner somewhere or pack up and leave this increasingly ridiculous country altogether.

- Tom Peck

It's quite difficult to keep track of the "resignation honours" story, as there are (in theory) two lists doing the rounds, two different sets of people to thank for everything they did for the country in the two months it took the Tory Party to kick two separate prime ministers out of 10 Downing Street. It's by no means clear whose is going to be published first - Truss's or Johnson's though you can be certain that Johnson's will be held up rather longer by whoever it is that has to check them for propriety and ethics... not that they will find any anywhere.

It's not clear quite how the potential Stanley Johnson appointment will be marked up by the relevant civil servants before being sent back for reconsideration. Will they just go with: "This man is the former prime minister's dad. Could look massively corrupt," and leave it there? Or would it be within their remit to look at the many detailed allegations Stanley Johnson's late wife Charlotte gave on the subject of her having been the victim of his domestic violence, including a broken nose, a claim which seems to have had precisely zero impact on Johnson Senior's omnipresence on the D-list celebrity circuit?