Let Nigella loose on grotty school meals

Britain is a land of opportunity. And Chartwells, the company paid to send food packages to hungry kids, proved that.

- MARK STEEL

Because instead of complaining about poverty, they made money out of it.

The Government asked them to provide decent food parcels, and they delivered a couple of mini-yoghurts and a battered piece of fruit.

Nigella Lawson should include a Chartwells meal in her next series, drooling: “Hmm an over-ripe banana. Let’s peel it slowly, shall we?

“Ooh, black and mushed in the middle – I like things that are black and mushed in the middle, don’t you?

“Now let’s add in our two-inch stick of sliced cucumber, and, hmm, it makes me go rather tingly.

“Now these ingredients are rather expensive for what you get but, hmph, you can’t put a price on arousing all your senses, can you?”