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OK, so you&rsquo;re the one carrying the baby and doing the whole giving birth bit. But spare a thought for your man &ndash; recent research suggests fathers can be left so horrified by seeing a difficult birth that their longterm mental health may be affected (altogether now&hellip; Ahhh). But, seriously, even if the birth goes smoothly, he may be upset by seeing you in pain. Prep him now for a smoother experience.

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GET HIM INVOLVED

&ldquo;Encourage him to read up on labour, so he understands what will happen,&rdquo; says Elizabeth Duff, senior policy adviser at UK parents&rsquo; charity NCT. You could also do an antenatal class together. &ldquo;Look for one that focuses on dads, as well as mums,&rdquo; says Mia Scotland, a UK-based clinical psychologist and doula. Getting to know your gynaec will also mean he&rsquo;ll feel comfortable asking questions during labour. &ldquo;I made my husband watch One Born Every Minute,&rdquo; says Vidya Sharma, 30, who&rsquo;s mum to Preeti, 11 weeks. &ldquo;It meant he wasn&rsquo;t panicked when things didn&rsquo;t go to plan,&rdquo; says Vidya.

MAKE DECISIONS TOGETHER

In terms of your birth plan, let him know what&rsquo;s most important to you. The traffic lights system works well &ndash; green is what you want to happen, amber is what you want to avoid as far as possible and red is what you absolutely do not want unless it&rsquo;s vital. Draw up a list, including pain relief preferences, and hand it over.

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DEAL WITH THE &lsquo;BUSINESS&rsquo;

Whether or not he stands at the business end is an important decision. &ldquo;Get him to consider if he wants to see the baby coming out or stay firmly up by your head. If his wishes are different to yours, you&rsquo;ll need to reach a compromise,&rdquo; warns Mia.

FOCUS ON THE PRACTICAL

There&rsquo;s lots your man can do to help you prepare on the day, including having water and snacks at the ready for when you need them. &ldquo;My husband and I created a labour playlist together &ndash; it was a great way to chat about the birth and have some quality couple time,&rsquo; says Shikha Devate, 34, who&rsquo;s mum to Rudra, eight months.

PLAN AHEAD 

Your partner will hate seeing you in pain, so reassure him. &ldquo;Before the birth, remind him that it&rsquo;s important he accepts there will be yelling, but he can help by giving plenty of praise and reassurance,&rdquo; says Elizabeth. Explain you might have a split personality. During labour, you may go into a different mental zone, which can be unnerving for your partner. &ldquo;Warn him in advance that you could ignore him, shout or behave strangely,&rdquo; says Mia.

MAKE SURE HE TAKES TIME OUT 

&ldquo;Let him know he can always take a break during the birth to regroup emotionally,&rdquo; says Mia. Tell him this before the day, so that you don&rsquo;t worry about having to look after him.
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Is He Birth-Ready

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