<div style="page-break-before:always; page-break-after:always"><div style="page-break-before:always; page-break-after:always"><strong>H</strong>aving a baby, adding a new family member to your life is a very special experience. New mothers go through many physical and emotional changes during pregnancy and in the first few weeks&rsquo; post-childbirth. In addition, they are sleep deprived and exhausted all the time. And of course, there is the anxiety of taking care of a new baby who can&rsquo;t speak and only cries to communicate all wants and needs. It&rsquo;s a language that new mothers need to learn with time and there is no dictionary available.<div style="page-break-before:always; page-break-after:always"><p>As if that does not sound like a lot to handle, for some mothers, these anxieties and concerns are influenced by their past experiences. Let me share a story of a mom who was a part of my prenatal classes. As a couple they had been trying to conceive naturally for almost five years and finally decided to try IVF. Multiple cycles and another four years later they finally conceived. All through her pregnancy, she lived in constant fear as for her this was a precious pregnancy. Every step, every movement and every action she took was calculated and then some more. The had a healthy baby boy but the mother was constantly on the alert watching for the slightest sign of concern. A tiny cough and she would be at the doctor&rsquo;s clinic, she would wake up multiple times at night and check on her son and she would research every little aspect to ensure that nothing was going wrong. When it was time for the little boy to start crawling, she would have the floor swabbed at least three times a day and still refuse to let him be on the floor for fear of picking up germs. By 18 months the little boy was still not walking and the doctors ran multiple tests to check for developmental issues. The parents came to me for a nutrition consult and in the course of the conversation, the above story unfolded. The mother&rsquo;s fear had not allowed the child to even grow naturally. Just a couple of months of letting the child be natural, crawl on the floor and he took his first steps.</p><p>The story of this mother is not uncommon. Many women who go through IVF, or suffer a miscarriage or have a still birth develop this paranoia which makes them feel that they are going to lose the baby and due to this they can cause themselves and even their little one&rsquo;s harm. Research has shown that mothers who are clinically depressed are not able to care effectively for their children, the children also have difficulty in bonding and develop attachment issues.</p><p>It is very important that all mothers who experience birth trauma receive help and support to overcome the same. Women themselves may not be able to understand what they are experiencing and may attribute it to just being caring and maternal. In such cases it is the family especially the spouse who would need to be proactive and watch for the signs.</p><p>The most important thing that these mothers would need is support and constant reassurance. They need to hear more than others about how great a job they are doing as moms. It is important that they are not criticised and equally important is that their fears and concerns are not belittled. In their minds it is extremely important and their concerns are very genuine.</p><p>If the actions of the new mom become all consuming wherein, she is also not able to function normally, is withdrawn or weepy, detached or overly possessive, facing appetite issues, unnecessarily reactive or irrational then she would also need to seek professional help. Often families cringe and shy away from professional help because it is considered to be a taboo. For someone who is going through major hormonal changes, life adjustments and needs some help in coping it is essential that she gets the right help. Taking therapy does not label this new mom as a mental case. It does not mean that she has to be looked at as someone who needs to be handled with kids gloves at all times. It does not mean that she is not a good mom.</p><div style="page-break-before:always; page-break-after:always"><p>Research has shown that babies who are cared for by mothers who are disturbed and/or depressed tend to not bond well. They also are detached, maybe crankier and have difficulty in feeding and sleeping. These babies can also grow up to continue having such traits which in turn will affect their life and overall well-being. By acknowledging that the mother needs help and getting help for the mother in the initial few weeks itself, the family will actually be helping not only the mother but the baby as well.</p><p>It is important to note that such feelings don&rsquo;t just go away on their own one fine day. They can be very deep-rooted. Even though we use the term postpartum mood swings or disorders or depression it can last well beyond the postpartum period. I have had many workshops and sessions where mothers with young children aged 1-10 years have attended and at the end of the session have approached me saying that they never realised it but they actually have all the symptoms that were described &ndash; at times for years after the baby is born.</p><p>This feeling of anxiety can also be experienced by the father. If the couple has gone through traumatic or stressful experiences in previous pregnancies, its not only the mother but the father who can also get affected. Sadly, in our culture, men are expected to control their emotions. They hid their vulnerability and refrain from sharing their inner fears. This can lead to the same issues as the mother and families need to be sensitive about this as well. Every couple who goes through IVF, a miscarriage, a stillbirth, birth of a special child or any other trauma associated with pregnancy and birth should be handled with care. They should seek professional support. They should vent and talk and express. This will not compensate for the loss that they have experienced but it will help them to heal and in turn be better parents for their subsequent babies.</p>

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