So, How Do You Fit Five In To Four?

Adam Collins and Geoff Lemon take a light-hearted view on why the Australian one-day team just isn’t clicking at the moment

Geoff Lemon: Years ago, my first girlfriend’s dad had this routine he liked to run through whenever there was a World Cup or an election or something. “Geoff,” he’d say, “who came first?” Italy, I might reply. “Ok, so who came second?” France, I would say. “Right, right. Ok, but who came third, then?” Um, Germany won the play-off, I think. “Oh yes, of course, of course. So, who came fourth.” Portugal, I would answer. “No,” he would say, after a long pause. “Lazarus came forth!” Suffice to say, I’ve been identifying with that lately. Back from the brink. Feeling like the old boy from the parable.

Adam Collins: My first girlfriend’s father never said a word to me. He did all his communicating via his handshake. He got it. I got it. Thanks to Vish Ehantharajah for impersonating you in the column last week. He played a blinder. But I’m thrilled that you’re back after a few trips to Sydney hospitals.

GL: It was genuine Ashes fever. Turns out that three months of 16-hour days and constant travel can bring on a full immune system collapse. Who knew? Thanks to Vish for filling in, I’m a little shaky but at least upright a week later.

AC: A bit like Australia’s ODI team, if you’ll excuse the segue. We all know they are in strife. It shouldn’t be so, for a team sporting a Harlem Globetrotter starting five of Smith, Warner, Starc, Cummins and Maxwell, but this is the situation they find themselves in. Oh wait, scrap the guy who can spin the ball on his finger while running the court. He’s not playing.