Shh! Not everything has to be said

In relationships, knowing when to speak up and when to back offis an art that many have not mastered. Here’s what you need to know about speaking to be heard, instead of nagging. 

- Zukiswa Dlamini

You speak to your partner about an issue, and hope you’ve gotten your point across; but a week later, you bring up the same issue… again. Having your words, feelings and opinions fall on deaf ears is frustrating. And, if not addressed, can easily lead to the breakdown of your relationship. “Communication is a key ingredient for a healthy relationship,” says relationship counsellor Gugu Khoza. “This means that both people in the relationship can express their feelings and thoughts, and trust that they are being heard and acknowledged. If you have to repeat yourself or nag, then there is something broken in the communication cycle,” Gugu explains.

ROUND AND ROUND WE GO

For 32-year-old Zanele*, nagging has become the main form of communication with her boyfriend of eight years. She says this is now weighing heavily on their relationship. “Kgotso* does not listen to me, and that is the main thing we fight about. From small things such as helping around the house to big things including my readiness to get married, I feel like what I say comes in one ear and out the other. He just doesn’t seem to care about the things I say.”