I put in 18-hour days. I work in the same room I sleep in. I never know when or if I’ll be paid. I go days without speaking to anyone.
Wednesday.3am.
I’m submerged in a bath, my laptop balanced precariously on the side. I’m typing frantically. I look at the word count – halfway there. The article I’m writing is due in six hours’ time. I am deep-in-my-bones tired and fighting off a severe bout of cystitis. The bath is only just helping with the pain. I should take a day off, give my body the rest it so needs. But that’s not possible.
Once this piece is filed I have more work lined up. My schedule is coordinated with minute precision. I’m convinced if I miss just one deadline my whole career will come tumbling down around me like a poorly built domino chain.
My eyes itching with tiredness, I wrap a towel around myself and head back to my desk. I’ve not spoken to a human being in three days.
This is not how I expected it to be. Just three months earlier, still in a full-time job, I’d indulged in ginghamtinged fantasies of working from rooftop cafés (artisan coffee in hand), of midday yoga sessions and last minute trips to the beach. I imagined ‘brand partnerships’ with exciting clients and lazy evenings tapping away at my laptop as I sipped wine. I imagined calm. I imagined contentment. I imagined the sanitised version of the freelance dream that we’ve all come to fetishise, glorify, worship on Instagram. I was an idiot.
This story is from the May - June 2019 edition of Cosmopolitan - South Africa.
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This story is from the May - June 2019 edition of Cosmopolitan - South Africa.
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