Shame Only Exists For As Long As You Stay Silent
Cosmopolitan - South Africa|March 2019

Cheryl Zondi made headlines in 2018 when she waived the right to remain anonymous as the first witness in the ongoing rape trial of Nigerian pastor Timothy Omotoso and his two coaccused. Collectively, they face 63 charges and 34 alternative charges, which include rape, sexual assault and racketeering. Omotoso has pleaded ‘not guilty’ to all charges. Zondi, now 22 years old, reveals why coming forward and saying #MeToo was essential to her healing

Haji Mohamed Dawjee
Shame Only Exists For As Long As You Stay Silent

I struggled with feeling humiliated for something that I didn’t ask for,’ Zondi says. ‘I asked myself why I was ashamed of being raped when it’s the person who did this to me who should feel the shame. But then I realised that the shame only exists for as long as you stay silent. As soon as I said something, as soon as I spoke out, there was an exchange of shame. And it shifted to the person it belongs to – it shifted to Timothy Omotoso.’

Zondi was 14 years old when she became the victim of heinous acts of sexual violence and misconduct. ‘I come from a Christian home,’ she says. ‘When Omotoso came along, I saw him as an authority figure. He established himself in my community, and he resonated with the very core of my belief system.’

She explains how the seeds of control were planted: ‘Omotoso’s power was a spiritual one and, as a believer, all you want to do is get closer to God. You trust that someone who speaks to Him every day will get you there. I trusted Omotoso because of the impression he gave me – what he represented was someone who operated on a higher belief system, a level I wanted to attain and subscribe to. When you’re dealing with someone who has conversations with God day and night, you start to believe that this is a man who must be right.’

Omotoso was a shrewd manipulator. ‘He always talked about bettering the lives of the youth,’ Zondi says. ‘I wanted to be a singer from a young age, and music was also one of the reasons I was attracted to the church.’ Here was a man who not only spoke the same sacred language as she did, but who was also musically inclined. ‘He played instruments and composed songs, and he tapped into my aspirations,’ she says. ‘I wanted to be a singer in the ministry, so he drew me closer through my dreams.’

This story is from the March 2019 edition of Cosmopolitan - South Africa.

Start your 7-day Magzter GOLD free trial to access thousands of curated premium stories, and 9,000+ magazines and newspapers.

This story is from the March 2019 edition of Cosmopolitan - South Africa.

Start your 7-day Magzter GOLD free trial to access thousands of curated premium stories, and 9,000+ magazines and newspapers.

MORE STORIES FROM COSMOPOLITAN - SOUTH AFRICAView All
Marc Buckner
Cosmopolitan - South Africa

Marc Buckner

The Bachelor SA Season 2’s star is here to make you swoon. Find out why boss babes are ready to risk it all for this adventurous dog lover.

time-read
1 min  |
May 2020
I Tested Positive For The Alzheimer's Gene At 26 Years Old
Cosmopolitan - South Africa

I Tested Positive For The Alzheimer's Gene At 26 Years Old

A DNA testing kit is like a crystal ball, but what if you don’t like what you see?

time-read
3 mins  |
May 2020
Basically No-One Has A 28-Day Menstrual Cycle
Cosmopolitan - South Africa

Basically No-One Has A 28-Day Menstrual Cycle

Brought to you by: the idea of a ‘normal’ period is a lie

time-read
2 mins  |
May 2020
For Those Times When You're Like, ‘I Love You, But You're Annoying...'
Cosmopolitan - South Africa

For Those Times When You're Like, ‘I Love You, But You're Annoying...'

Coupledom can be hard!

time-read
5 mins  |
May 2020
How To Get Sh*t Done
Cosmopolitan - South Africa

How To Get Sh*t Done

Calling all procrastinators: sometimes getting started on a new project or goal can be the hardest part. Here’s how to stop putting it off and actually press go

time-read
5 mins  |
May 2020
Is Rage Bait Okay?
Cosmopolitan - South Africa

Is Rage Bait Okay?

It has become the new engagement strategy for many brands. Companies bait their followers into engaging with their content around topics that cause outrage. But is this okay? Social -media strategists Talya Goldberg and Jabulile Dlamini -Qwesha share their views.

time-read
2 mins  |
May 2020
Is Cardio A Scam? And 7 Other Not-stupid Questions About Fitness Things
Cosmopolitan - South Africa

Is Cardio A Scam? And 7 Other Not-stupid Questions About Fitness Things

Thanks for calling 0800 -WTF- Is -This

time-read
3 mins  |
May 2020
Hold The Phone
Cosmopolitan - South Africa

Hold The Phone

Zozibini Tunzi is here to remind you all to Take. Up. Space. She’s rewriting the pageantry rulebook, and she wants you to join in (in a bath, wearing sparkly boots, because that’s just how we roll).

time-read
10 mins  |
May 2020
How To Tell It Like It Is *And Finally Get A Promotion*
Cosmopolitan - South Africa

How To Tell It Like It Is *And Finally Get A Promotion*

Receiving constructive criticism on your work can be terrifying. But do it right and it can be a career game-changer.

time-read
5 mins  |
May 2020
What Makes A Compulsive Liar?
Cosmopolitan - South Africa

What Makes A Compulsive Liar?

We all do it. Tell those lit t le white lies to ourselves, and others. But what about those for whom lying is a way of life? Catriona Harvey-Jenner investigates the rise of a new kind of scammer.

time-read
10 mins  |
May 2020