‘What is wrong with me?’ I asked myself. ‘What kind of mother am I?’ I felt like a complete failure – and every day something happened that only added to this feeling.
Before the babies arrived, everyone was asking if I wanted to breastfeed, but no one had told me it was a skill that needed to be learnt rather than something that happens naturally.
The boys didn’t want to latch on and I spent days and nights in tears trying to breastfeed. After about a week, my husband couldn’t watch me trying to do it anymore and begged me to stop and introduce formula milk. Deep inside me, there was nothing I wanted more than to use formula, but a part of me believed that as a ‘good mum’, I simply had to breastfeed. So I kept torturing myself.
At this point, I didn’t feel like a mother at all. I regretted the decision to have children and longed to turn back time. Also, at home in Welwyn Garden City, Hertfordshire, I felt incredibly alone.
I thought that everyone around me was having a great time with their babies. I was extremely ashamed about my feelings and put all the effort into hiding them.
Screaming inside
This story is from the February 07, 2022 edition of WOMAN - UK.
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This story is from the February 07, 2022 edition of WOMAN - UK.
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