One day, I'll forget MY FAMILY

Tracey Lane put her mood swings and bouts of forgetfulness down to the menopause, but they turned out to be something much more sinister

- KARA O'NEILL

So many married couples look forward to retirement, the blissful years when your kids are old enough to take care of themselves, when you’ve paid your dues and worked hard to save for a few years of relaxation, adventure and quality time together.

But for me, that’s a future that I can no longer get excited about. You see, the likelihood is that I won’t even be able to recognise the faces of my husband and children, never mind live out my dreams and grand plans for my twilight years.

It was in early 2016, when I was 49, that I realised I didn’t feel ‘quite right’. I couldn’t pinpoint it at first but knew I just didn’t feel like me any more. I’d lost all motivation for my job as a school administrator, and most days I felt low.

So low, in fact, that on my drive to work, I’d imagine ploughing my car into a ditch, convincing myself that my husband, Mike, then 54, and my two sons, Luke, 26, and Joshua, 22, would be better off without me. These dark thoughts would only last a few seconds before I'd shake myself out of it and realise how silly I was being – but it scared me that I’d even momentarily contemplated something so extreme.

I confided in Mike about how I’d been feeling, and he was so supportive, always encouraging me to be open with him and doing sweet things to cheer me up, such as making playlists of my favourite music. My GP prescribed me antidepressants too, which helped for a while.

But then I started forgetting things. Simple tasks on the computer at work – ones I’d been performing for years – suddenly became confusing. Or I’d walk down the corridor to ask a colleague a question and forget their answer the moment I’d turned my back.