Young, Gifted & Troubled Zac's Battle With Drugs & Depression

The former All Black’s tackling the demons at destroyed his dreams

- Cloe Willets

When rugby sensation Zac Guildford boarded a plane to France to play for the Clermont Auvergne five years ago, he breathed a sigh of relief. It was another incredible opportunity after an abrupt end to his All Blacks and Crusaders careers, and it boasted a hefty pay cheque.

But less than a year into his contract with the French rugby union club, Zac’s management turned up at his apartment with a doctor. They wanted him to do a drug test. In that moment, amid the thick of depression and escalating drug dependence, the talented winger admitted defeat. He was caught with cocaine in his system and his contract was terminated.The boy from the Wairarapa – one of Aotearoa’s best rugby players – was hit by the harsh consequences of a secret thousand-dollar-a-week drug habit.

“Drugs played a massive role throughout my professional career and I was never telling the full truth,” admits Hamiltonbased Zac, 30, who is speaking openly for the first time about the extent of his mental health and substance abuse, in the hope his story will help others.

“I was doing prescription drugs and anything I could get my hands on. I was in full sabotage mode because my mind was going crazy.”

The quietly spoken sportsman – who helped the All Blacks win the 2011 Rugby World Cup – says until this year, he didn’t know how to talk about his emotions. It’s now part of his healing.

He explains, “Drugs and alcohol were plasters, and once you take them off and start being vulnerable, it just comes oozing out.”