
Sitting up suddenly in bed, sweat running down my back, I took a deep breath. “You’re safe now, Sarah. It’s over,” I reminded myself. “This was just a flashback, a dream.” Yet it was vivid, so raw I couldn’t get back to sleep all night. I even had bruises down my legs, where I had tried to fight back, in my sleep, and defend myself.
I had carried my secret around for almost 50 years. Sometimes, I felt I’d never escape from the agony of my childhood. My earliest recollection, aged three and a half, was being lifted from my bed, by my father Arthur, and into his bed. I had a clear memory of a big, meaty hand, clamped over my mouth to stifle my screams. Then my father raped me.
For the next couple of years, at our home in Chard, Somerset, my memories were hazy and fragmented. But at six, my nightmare began again. Dad regularly sexually abused and raped me, usually in his bedroom. Every time my mother was out, he took the opportunity to swoop.
We had horses, in stables adjoining our home, and sometimes he’d say, “Come and help me feed the horses, Sarah.” In the stables, he’d sexually assault me. Sometimes, he used objects on me, once it was part of the handle of a spade. I was just a little girl, and I was in agony. I longed to confide in someone, but after the abuse, Dad always said, “If you tell anyone, I will shoot you. And I will shoot your mum. Do you understand?”
BEHIND CLOSED DOORS
Wide-eyed and terrified, I nodded. I had seen his guns, usually kept in the garage but occasionally brought into the house. I believed he was capable of it. We moved around a lot too, so it was difficult for me to make lasting friendships, or for teachers and social workers to get to know me. I spent some time living with my grandmother – a temporary respite, until I was sent home again.
This story is from the November 04, 2024 edition of New UK.
Start your 7-day Magzter GOLD free trial to access thousands of curated premium stories, and 9,000+ magazines and newspapers.
Already a subscriber ? Sign In
This story is from the November 04, 2024 edition of New UK.
Start your 7-day Magzter GOLD free trial to access thousands of curated premium stories, and 9,000+ magazines and newspapers.
Already a subscriber? Sign In

Posh bags her own TV show
Victoria Beckham is \"desperate\" for her new Netflix docuseries to be a hit, but a source tells new there's a risk that it could \"backfire\"

'I'm ready to enjoy 2025 and start dating again'
Lauren Goodger gives us the lowdown on the new series of TOWIE and the plans she's making in her personal life

'I loved Lord Sugar's jokes - he's funny
Former Apprentice runner-up Rochelle Anthony on what it's really like being on the show and her advice for this year's candidates

JERSEY ROYALTY RETURNS
Damien Molony stars as Jim Bergerac in this reboot of the beloved crime drama

Meghan's show of love for Harry
Given there was little more than a few whispers that the Duchess of Sussex would join the Duke in Canada for the Invictus Games, their very public kiss and affectionate embraces were possibly not what the world expected.

´I felt like Vanessa's life was in my hands'
Dancing On Ice star Dan Edgar tells new about his experiences on the show and opens up about his love life

Kerry defies online trolls
Newly single Kerry Katona blasts her body-shaming social media critics and tells Mew she’s feeling great and won't let the mean comments get to her

'It's really nice to see all the support'
Actress Linda Robson on the heartache of her close pal Pauline Quirke's dementia diagnosis

'We want to be surprised on BGT, too!
Hosts Ant and Dec are back with Britain's Got Talent and say there are some treats in store

'I witnessed my mum's death and live in fear her killer will come back for me'
Roann Court talks to new about how scared she feels now her mum's killer is a free man