HOROSCOPES WRITTEN BY MY MOTHER

Your zodiac alignment this month is governed by Venus, the planet of intuition, something my daughter Bess seems to lack.

- BESS KALB

Aquarius

Perhaps if she weren’t an air sign she would see a pulmonologist about her goddam cough before she bursts a blood vessel in her eye. It sounds like bronchitis, which can turn into pneumonia if you don’t stay on top of it. While she’s at it, she should see an allergist, too. It could be all the dust in her apartment from those horrible seagrass carpets that were so trendy about three years ago and now make the place look like a West Elm took over a Tommy Bahama.

Leo