LET'S HAVE A LONG TALK ABOUT OUR RELATIONSHIP JUST BEFORE BED!
The New Yorker|September 23, 2024
Babe, are you nodding off? I know we’re both exhausted after a long day, a dinner party at which you made a three-word comment that left me feeling like you don’t know me at all, and the subsequent ninety-minute fight that culminated in a tentative truce.
Kate Greathead and Teddy Wayne
LET'S HAVE A LONG TALK ABOUT OUR RELATIONSHIP JUST BEFORE BED!

But, now that we’re finally in bed, what do you say to my ripping off your sleep-apnea mask and our having a marathon discussion about the state of our relationship?

I just feel like since our most recent dysfunctional episode is fresh in our memories we shouldn’t let it go to waste. A much better use of our time would be if I dissected your diction, syntax, and micro-expressions; compared them with the historical record, thanks to a “secret sauce” algorithm I’ve been coding for the past year; and teased out the sources from which they came (your mother). My guess is this will take two to four hours that could have been less fruitfully spent slumbering.

This story is from the September 23, 2024 edition of The New Yorker.

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This story is from the September 23, 2024 edition of The New Yorker.

Start your 7-day Magzter GOLD free trial to access thousands of curated premium stories, and 9,000+ magazines and newspapers.