"WE COME TO THIS PLACE for magic. (Walks through front door, smiles with knowing anticipation) And for envelopes. For the magic of envelopes. We come to Staples to laugh, to cry, to care. Because we have an abiding passion for office supplies. All of us. (Conspiratorial nod) That indescribable feeling we get when we walk down the "Filing" aisle and run our fingers along a twenty-four-pack of three-tab manila folders, and we go somewhere we've never been before. (Look of blissful transport) Not just happily accepting the fact that, without a real office to go to anymore, we now have to pay for things like pens, but somehow fuelled with an irresistible desire to own ten of every width of Sharpie. (Gazes gobsmacked at various displays) Post-its plentiful enough to cover a medium-sized city. Pencil sharpeners, pencil holders... pencils. Somehow, O.C.D. feels good in a place like this. Our Pendaflex accordion folders feel like the best part of us, and ninety-nine dollar printers feel perfect and powerful and not doomed to break in six months because here (looks directly at camera)... they are." (Hypnotizes viewers into downloading the Staples Rewards app)
This story is from the February 13 - 20, 2023 (Double Issue) edition of The New Yorker.
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This story is from the February 13 - 20, 2023 (Double Issue) edition of The New Yorker.
Start your 7-day Magzter GOLD free trial to access thousands of curated premium stories, and 9,000+ magazines and newspapers.
Already a subscriber? Sign In
President for Sale - A survey of today's political ads.
On a mid-October Sunday not long ago sun high, wind cool-I was in Harrisburg, Pennsylvania, for a book festival, and I took a stroll. There were few people on the streets-like the population of a lot of capital cities, Harrisburg's swells on weekdays with lawyers and lobbyists and legislative staffers, and dwindles on the weekends. But, on the façades of small businesses and in the doorways of private homes, I could see evidence of political activity. Across from the sparkling Susquehanna River, there was a row of Democratic lawn signs: Malcolm Kenyatta for auditor general, Bob Casey for U.S. Senate, and, most important, in white letters atop a periwinkle not unlike that of the sky, Kamala Harris for President.
LIFE ADVICE WITH ANIMAL ANALOGIES
Go with the flow like a dead fish.
CONNOISSEUR OF CHAOS
The masterly musical as mblages of Charles Ives
BEAUTIFUL DREAMERS
How the Brothers Grimm sought to awaken a nation.
THE ARTIFICIAL STATE
A different kind of machine politics.
THE HONEST ISLAND GREG JACKSON
Craint did not know when he had come to the island or why he had come.
THE SHIPWRECK DETECTIVE
Nigel Pickford has spent a lifetime searching for sunken treasure-without leaving dry land.
THE HOME FRONT
Some Americans are preparing for a second civil war.
SYRIA'S EMPIRE OF SPEED
Bashar al-Assad's regime is now a narco-state reliant on sales of amphetamines.
TUCKER EVERLASTING
Trump's favorite pundit takes his show on the road.
