HOW TO BU A PRESIDEN

DONALD TRUMP'S JOKE OF A MEDIA COMPANY IS ALSO A $6 BILLION MEME STOCK-AND AN UNPRECEDENTED OPPORTUNITY FOR CORRUPTION.

- DAVID FREEDLANDER

WHAT MAY TURN OUT TO BE A HINGE in American history occurs one day in November 2004, when the future president of the United States asks his then-girlfriend to turn around so the nation can see how her ass looks in a pair of jeans.

The occasion is season two, episode 11, of The Apprentice. Two teams have been tasked with creating an ad campaign for Levi's, and one side has come up with a catalogue bereft of butt shots. Donald Trump is steamed. "Jeans are supposed to show off the body," he fumes back in the boardroom, after Melania has done a twirl for the camera. "In particular, they are supposed to show off the ass. How come you didn't show off that part of the body?"

The answer is Maria. Maria works for a real-estate investment trust and was once called a control freak by her teammate Sandy, a bridal-shop owner. The other two members of the group can only look on helplessly: Wes Moss, a blond and bland young man from Atlanta whom internet commentators have nicknamed No Defining Characteristics Wes, and Andy Dean Litinsky, a Harvard-educated debate champion who introduced himself to viewers by expressing his love of bow ties because “those things are P-I-M-P.” It was Maria who came up with the photo-shoot concept but then took too long and wasn’t satisfied enough with any of the derrière shots to use them.

But really, the fault lies with Wes. He’s the team leader. Trump fires him, and he fires Maria—the first double firing in the show’s history. He turns to Wes’s buddy and says, “Andy, you keep escaping because somebody else is more incompetent.”

Fast-forward past what, let’s all agree, is a rather remarkable turn of events. It’s 2020. Moss has become a certified financial planner and the author of books with titles like You Can Retire Sooner Than You Think. Litinsky is part of the wider Trump orbit. He’s worked as president of Trump Productions, the studio behind the Miss Universe pageant