'Stop gaslighting me!' I'm a little ashamed to say it's a phrase I've used more than once when losing an argument with my husband. Ashamed to say it because we both know what it really means, and because it's something I've really gone through in the past, in a different relationship. It was a horrible experience: having my version of events questioned; being told I was imagining things; being told I'd said something I definitely didn't; or that they hadn't said something that they absolutely, definitely had. The overall effect was to manipulate and undermine, leading me to question everything I thought I knew. As a result, I take gaslighting very seriously.
So, I found it quite shocking to discover that 'gaslighting' is 2022's Word of the Year, according to Merriam-Webster Dictionary. Doesn't that kind of jokey title, which brings to mind other dubious honours such as 'rear of the year' or 'beard of the decade' (I might have made that one up), rather undermine the seriousness of this term? To find out more, I speak to neuroscientist and clinical psychologist Dr Albert Moukheiber, author of Your Brain Is Playing Tricks On You: How The Brain Shapes Opinions And Perceptions (Legend Press, £9.99), who explains the concept to me.
'The word actually comes from a play and a movie [the 1944 film Gaslight], in which the main character changes the temperature of the house without telling his partner,' he explains. 'And when she says "It's quite hot," he tells her "No, no, I didn't touch the heating." Then he starts changing the lights, turning them on and off, making them flicker, but all the while telling her that he's never touched them.
'It's a really interesting psychological portrayal of manipulation in a relationship, and as a result of that, it has become used as a means of describing the behaviour of someone that makes you doubt your memories.'
This story is from the January 2023 edition of Psychologies UK.
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This story is from the January 2023 edition of Psychologies UK.
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