BOUNDARIES ARE BADASS

We all know the importance of setting boundaries, but do we really understand why we need them and the positive results that they can provide?

- NICKY ROWBOTHAM

It took me a while to become OK with saying ’no’. But what I started to realise was that always saying ’yes’ to others, was saying ’no’ to myself. For so long, I chased the gold star of other people’s approval. As a reformed workaholic, I can look back with empathy and kindness, and fully understand that external validation was my drug of choice at the time, feeding my sense of self-worth. With other’s opinions and feedback as my North Star, I became too flexible and fluid with my own needs, allowing behaviour that I would not tolerate now. The boundaries in my life looked like smudged chalk lines on the floor. Over time, those boundaries had been scuffed and faded to such an extent that no one could be sure that they were ever even there – implicit permission to overstep the mark, and I had facilitated it. The biggest myth about boundaries is that other people are crossing them, but we’ve allowed them to be crossed, because it’s not anyone else’s job to uphold, respect or honour our boundaries. It’s up to us.