FINDING RELIGION IN A FOOTBALL SHIRT.

Confusion can be irritating, infuriating, and isolating. On the flipside, celebrating uncertainty – whilst acknowledging that a lack of answers can be temporarily debilitating – can often lead to exciting discovery and personal growth. Not wishing to sound too much like a motivational speaker, I nonetheless confess that not knowing what I don’t know is generally a wonderful opportunity to slay the dragon of ignorance. I write about things that have puzzled, surprised, and over whelmed me! Religion has stumped me for most of my adult life, and now seems as good a time as ever to understand why.

- Ian Kirke

Apologies for the gobbledygook in advance but I believe that I don’t believe. Since belief is a fundamental part of religion, I think that this clumsy definition of my present position accurately frames my confusion. Logically, since I don’t believe – and evidence of this stance will follow – I suspect this makes me an atheist, yet I celebrate religious festivals, got married in church, and make a beeline to sacred places when I travel the world. So on reflection, does this make me a confused agnostic? To add to the turmoil, I do believe that I have faith. A faith that is so strong that it has been an integral part of me since I was a kid. A faith that has shaped my view on life, what I do with it (especially on a Saturday) and how I spend my money – often for little return. My enduring faith is wrapped up in my football team – Notts County – a team that has fallen so rapidly from grace that I often question why I keep the faith, when despair and disappointment are the usual outcomes. However, I keep the faith season after season. I guess most people don’t get it. It’s more than just a game. My roots, my rock, memories, especially of my late dad, and what could have been. The latter is more about choice – exercised as a youngster – when I chose the black and white stripes over our red neighbors across the river Trent who, let’s say, have enjoyed significantly more on-field success, notably from around about the time I became an ardent Notts fan.