PLAYBOY ADVISOR

Dr. Chris Donaghue - certified sex therapist, director of clinical education for the Sexual Health Alliance and host of Loveline - takes on the role of Playboy Advisor and weighs in on readers' questions about oral sex, orgasm-less sex, amateur sex, sweaty sex, forbidden sex, interracial sex and more

Q: love cunnilingus. I can go down on a woman for hours. My favorite sex position is using my tongue to make a woman come while getting myself off. And the woman almost always comes! This means I rarely have penetrative sex, as I am just fine coming without it. A woman I recently started dating tells me it’s strange that masturbation gets me off better than her vagina. Should I be worried that I, a straight man, am not that into vaginal sex?—B.K

A: The f irst thing to note is that her vagina is still getting you off. Rest assured that there’s nothing “strange” about preferring masturbation over penetration, because there is no “correct” way to have sex. The goal of sex isn’t penetration; it’s achieving mutual pleasure. You deserve to feel confident and authentic in whatever helps you do that.

Further, your heterosexuality should not inform anything about your sex life other than the gender of your sexual partner (though even that is fluid nowadays). Being straight does not predetermine one’s favored sex positions, nor should it restrict them. Your heterosexuality also isn’t an excuse for anyone to shame you.

Yes, calling someone’s sexual preferences “strange” amounts to a form of shaming, which can quickly turn abusive. Your concern should be about other nontraditional interests your girlfriend might pass judgment on. When we reveal our sexual interests to a lover, the response should be one of acceptance — as long as those interests are mindful of your partner’s pleasure and cause no harm to others.