One, two, buckle my shoe!

“Darling,” I said to my life companion of more years than I care to remember, “Do you think there is any correlation between pain in the feet and attending prayer meetings?”“You really are a stupid old man!” said the light of my life. “Can’t you think of anything more bizarre so late at night?”

- K.C. VERMA

I kept quiet. If the wife calls you a stupid old man, it is futile to expect sympathy. But my feet had been killing me ever since I attended the prayer meeting that evening. After the missus switched the lights off, I surreptitiously massaged my toes. Next morning, my feet started hurting almost as soon as I slipped my shoes on.

In my slim and trim days, I had always believed that a civilised person should never wear anything other than Oxfords, with five eyelets for laces. Unfortunately, time, a bad back and doctor’s advice not to bend forwards destroy such arrogant beliefs. Perforce, I have had to change from Oxfords to moccasins, which I slip into easily without needing to bend down to tie laces. This is just as well because, with my waistline, I can’t see my feet no matter how hard I try.

The pain in my toes increased after breakfast, so I phoned my doctor.

“Are the shoes new?” he asked.

“Yes, they are,” I said, “But I’ve been wearing them now for more than a week without any problems.” The doc asked me to check if there was any swelling in my feet. “Some of your BP medication can do that, you know.”