Docking tales Points deductions and PSR are where all the best football love affairs begin

It's what we all want: the as-it-stands table changing all the time on the final day. The title and relegation going right down to the wire. Cross to Soccer Saturday (on a Sunday, forgive the marginally out-of-date casting).

- Max Rushden

"We're off to the court of arbitration for sport, there's been a points deduction but who for, Chris Kamara?" "I don't know Jeff, has there? I must have missed that"... "Chris, have you not been watching?" "I haven't"... Kammy picks up. "No, you're right, I saw Evangelos Marinakis clench his fists at the judge, but I thought he'd won his appeal." 

It's a tough decision for Sky - send Peter Drury to Anfield for the visit of Wolves or to Premier League HQ for Manchester City's 115 charges? "Harper Lee said that the one place where a man ought to get a square deal is in a courtroom," begins this Drury Soliloquy, "but the question on this most super of Super Sundays, is CAN YOU HANDLE THE TRUTH?" 

And so to the teams - Erling Haaland leads the line for City at home to West Ham while Lord Pannick spearheads their attack in court - cut to a split screen of the two men marching purposely to camera, full Nordic hair on one side, full barrister wig on the other. "So Graeme Souness, who will be panicking later?" asks Dave Jones... "Just some breaking news: Sky Sports understands that kick-off in the court case has been delayed for another 25 years. More as we get it."