Dads need a lesson in getting children ready for term time

Listen carefully. What’s that low whooshing sound you can hear? No, it’s not Angela Rayner getting her breath back after clubbing in Ibiza.

- WILLGORE

Nor is it storm Hercule (or whatever the next one’s going to be called) blowing in from the Atlantic.

In fact, it’s the collective sigh of relief from the parents of Britain’s school-aged children as the summer holidays – and the attendant plate-spinning – finally come to an end.

A few of the kids are probably lending their lungs to the happy exhalation too – though none will admit to it. It’s not cool to confess that you want to go back to school, but six and a half weeks is a long time even for the most committed YouTube watcher, and there’s nothing like a bit of algebra and British Bulldog to blow the cobwebs away.

Amidst the feelings of relief, however, there may be the odd panicky flutter, when it becomes clear that child A no longer fits their shoes and child B needs a full restocking of their pencil case. Did they mention these things when there were more than two days till the start of term? They did not.

Back-to-school prep is big business. From rucksacks and clothing to stationery and sports kits, there are vast sums at stake, and usually little time in which to get things sorted. But what would I know?