
I don’t know if you’ve seen the montage of shock and awe reactions to the word “London” on Coronation Street doing the rounds? It features a whole host of Corrie favourites over the ages, changing their haircuts and fashion but never their violent reactions to the mere mention of the L word. London? How dare you flee to London! Anger, disgust, primal hatred or pure confusion pour out towards this far-away land.
Well, if you haven’t seen it, seek it out immediately because it’s brilliant. And accurate.
Accurate because much was the reaction when I left my hometown of Oldham and headed to that dreadful L place. “Where will you get yer ’aircut?” was my Mancunian born-and-bred Gran Beattie’s primary concern. Gran Beattie had only been to London once, in the Fifties, and warned me “the pavements are very ’ard down there, very ’ard!” My friend Jenny was concerned about the lack of proper chippies and warned me, “They don’t ’av owt wet on their tea, y’know.” Anti-southern friends called Londoners the unmentionable and warned me: “It is full of wankers.”
The North hasn’t traditionally held London in the same dreamlike state I always have. London always got me going. I remember lying to kids in the playground at primary school, saying: “Oh yeh, I’m defo going to big school in London.” I don’t know why I was drawn to it. But I was. Like a big lying moth to a flame.
Hard pavement fear aside, I was all set at 21, armed with nothing more than painfully skinny women’s jeans from Primark, a leather pencil- thin tie, disgusting Converses and a dream.
The Langan’s incident
Denne historien er fra October 10, 2024-utgaven av The London Standard.
Start din 7-dagers gratis prøveperiode på Magzter GOLD for å få tilgang til tusenvis av utvalgte premiumhistorier og 9000+ magasiner og aviser.
Allerede abonnent ? Logg på
Denne historien er fra October 10, 2024-utgaven av The London Standard.
Start din 7-dagers gratis prøveperiode på Magzter GOLD for å få tilgang til tusenvis av utvalgte premiumhistorier og 9000+ magasiner og aviser.
Allerede abonnent? Logg på

The race is on: just 40 days to beat the stamp duty deadline
First-time buyers in London face a huge hike, thanks to Reeves's Budget bombshell

How the AI boom and dark data are eating up our energy supply
RICHARD GODWIN investigates the environmental costs of the dizzying rise of artificial intelligence

Londoner's Diary
Baftas date night for Adrien Brody as Camila Cabello finds unlikely heroesin Wallace & Gromit

Paper Dress Vintage
If you walk along Mare Street in Hackney on a Saturday night, you are greeted by the odd sight of a queue snaking out of a vintage clothing store.

The tips and tricks everyone should know, by fashion's favourite make-up artist
Isamaya Ffrench counts Rihanna, Bella Hadid and Madonna among her clients. Here's her advice on modernising your look

Charismatic, sexy and funny...good things really do come in threes
In terms of watchability, a cast made up of Nicola Walker, Stephen Mangan and Erin Doherty is pretty hard to beat. The trio's relatable charisma, and the residual associations of their TV roles in The Split and The Crown (where Doherty played the young Princess Anne) add mightily to the enjoyment of Mike Bartlett's play, in which a loving but romantically stultified middle-aged couple decide to invite a younger woman into their bed and their lives.

Very exclusive all-inclusive Rixos Premium Belek, Turkey
I've just ordered a tenderloin steak and the waiter is pouring a large glass of local merlot.

Fashion's bloody secret
Despite the bans and the rise of faux fur, we are falling in love with the real thing again

At the table Shake off those nerves, Shakara ...then show off
Restaurants are puzzles of many parts; there is always something to fumble.

The style set's favourite pubs
MANNIONS IS VERY MUCH THE HANGOUT DU JOUR, FOR A QUIET PINT MIDWEEK OR THE BEST KARAOKE ON A FRIDAY