I don’t know if you’ve seen the montage of shock and awe reactions to the word “London” on Coronation Street doing the rounds? It features a whole host of Corrie favourites over the ages, changing their haircuts and fashion but never their violent reactions to the mere mention of the L word. London? How dare you flee to London! Anger, disgust, primal hatred or pure confusion pour out towards this far-away land.
Well, if you haven’t seen it, seek it out immediately because it’s brilliant. And accurate.
Accurate because much was the reaction when I left my hometown of Oldham and headed to that dreadful L place. “Where will you get yer ’aircut?” was my Mancunian born-and-bred Gran Beattie’s primary concern. Gran Beattie had only been to London once, in the Fifties, and warned me “the pavements are very ’ard down there, very ’ard!” My friend Jenny was concerned about the lack of proper chippies and warned me, “They don’t ’av owt wet on their tea, y’know.” Anti-southern friends called Londoners the unmentionable and warned me: “It is full of wankers.”
The North hasn’t traditionally held London in the same dreamlike state I always have. London always got me going. I remember lying to kids in the playground at primary school, saying: “Oh yeh, I’m defo going to big school in London.” I don’t know why I was drawn to it. But I was. Like a big lying moth to a flame.
Hard pavement fear aside, I was all set at 21, armed with nothing more than painfully skinny women’s jeans from Primark, a leather pencil- thin tie, disgusting Converses and a dream.
The Langan’s incident
This story is from the October 10, 2024 edition of The London Standard.
Start your 7-day Magzter GOLD free trial to access thousands of curated premium stories, and 9,000+ magazines and newspapers.
Already a subscriber ? Sign In
This story is from the October 10, 2024 edition of The London Standard.
Start your 7-day Magzter GOLD free trial to access thousands of curated premium stories, and 9,000+ magazines and newspapers.
Already a subscriber? Sign In
Kylie Minogue loves the bar at Louie, startling Beefeaters and snooping in The Conran Shop
Currently it’s largely suitcase-based as I’ve been doing so much travel for work, but Melbourne, Australia, is home.
Are Spurs willing to invest what it takes to win trophies?
Criticism of the manager for the club's struggles misses the point-whatever he says, he's not been given a squad ready to push for the biggest honours
Crowning glory awaits Britain's golden girl
Odds-on favourite to win BBC Sports Personality, Keely Hodgkinson never doubted she was ready to conquer the world
Residents at war over £10 billion 'Shanghai-style' Earl's Court plan
Controversial proposals are causing a huge furore in west London
The secrets of selling the capital's £40m homes
Armed security, NDAs, a gold temple...inside the world of ultra high-end property deals
Jenny Packham on Amsterdam why is truly magical at Christmas time
The designer gets lost in the cobbled streets and is entranced by the city’s twinkling lights and unique spirit
Alfies Antique Market
Here is a place to blindly lose oneself in a labyrinth of staircases and thresholds.
Decline and fall: what comes after peak wellness?
The social elite are obsessed with devices that track their health but the backlash is building
The newest AI can arrange your holiday- but will it be a strictly woke one?
A lightning-quick artificial megabrain with an appetite for social justice? WILLIAM HOSIE has a chat with Claude Al
'Fame just isn't healthy
Mercury Prize-winning band English Teacher on the pressure of success, trying not to burn out and the challenges black women face in indie music