How can you help your child learn to self-regulate?

Among other things, self-regulation allows children to keep going with a task or situation when things are tough.

- Natalie Day

Throughout our lives, we need to be able to manage our thoughts and behaviour. We need to do this to reach various goals and to get along with others - even if other distractions and impulses get in the way.

This is our ability to self-regulate, and it starts to develop between the ages of three and five.

My colleagues and I have been researching what parents can do to help children learn to self-regulate. What are the dos and don'ts?

WHY IS SELF-REGULATION IMPORTANT?

A child's ability to self-regulate has a huge impact on shorter-term outcomes such as making and keeping friends, engaging in school and making academic progress.

Self-regulation allows children to keep going with a task or situation when things are tough, and to keep their emotions and behaviour focused on reaching the goal.

For example, when playing a game with friends, a child who can self-regulate can wait his turn, stay within the rules and keep playing even when he is losing. A child with low levels of self-regulation may become easily upset and show frustration, and in some cases be dysregulated. This can include meltdowns.

But there can also be an impact later in life. Low levels of self-regulation at pre-school age have been associated with a range of problems in adulthood, such as gambling, substance abuse, poor health, poor sleep and weight issues.