A Way With Words

A friend's poor choice of phrasing leaves Chris apologetic

- Chris Pascoe

Following last week's column, in which I mentioned reaching that age when a "public toilet locator" app has become a treasured feature on my mobile phone, I had a terrible experience which not even my toilet app could assist me with.

Having been ordered by my friend Mia to attend her wedding in Brighton, on pain of death, I booked a train for the two hour trip. I was running late, so despite needing a pee, I legged it past two public toilets en route (no doubt to the despair of my app) knowing that there were toilets on the train. No sooner had we set off than came the announcement, "Welcome to this 1329 train to Brighton. Our one toilet is broken, I'm afraid, but you're welcome to get off if you need to". Get off? We were already moving so get off... how? Or where? Would they stop, or should I jump and head for the bushes?