The art of complaining
The Australian Women's Weekly|November 2022
Making a fuss. Whining. Grumbling. Complaining is often looked at as a negative, but if you learn how to finesse the art, great things can happen.
WHITNEY GOODMAN
The art of complaining

Complaining has a really bad reputation. Articles and gurus insist that too much complaining will “lower your vibration” and stop you achieving your dream, having friends and living the life you want. They suggest that you cut out negativity from your life, especially people who complain.

But humans love to complain. I know this because I get paid to sit with people while they vent, complain and process every week. Complaining does serve a real purpose in our lives, and once we discover how to effectively integrate it, great things can happen.

Dr Robin Kowalski, a prominent researcher of complaining behaviour, found those who complain with the hopes of achieving a certain result tend to be happier. Complaining helps us feel better, influences how people see us, creates social bonds, allows us to gather information, encourages empathy, and helps create real change. It plays a very important role in our lives and is a skill that, when used correctly, can be extremely effective. The goal is not to eliminate complaining from your life, but make it more effective and adaptive. When we complain effectively, we can achieve the closeness, support and change we all crave.

Is it worth complaining about?

I like to divide complaints into categories: “high-level” and “low-level” complaints. High-level complaints are those big-ticket items that have a large impact. Low-level complaints are typically daily annoyances or frustrations. You want to pay attention to your high-level complaints. These are the types of admissions that really mean something and are usually a bid for connection.

Choose the right audience

This story is from the November 2022 edition of The Australian Women's Weekly.

Start your 7-day Magzter GOLD free trial to access thousands of curated premium stories, and 9,000+ magazines and newspapers.

This story is from the November 2022 edition of The Australian Women's Weekly.

Start your 7-day Magzter GOLD free trial to access thousands of curated premium stories, and 9,000+ magazines and newspapers.

MORE STORIES FROM THE AUSTRALIAN WOMEN'S WEEKLYView All
Hitting a nerve
The Australian Women's Weekly

Hitting a nerve

Regulating the vagus nerve with its links to depression, anxiety, arthritis and diabetes - could aid physical and mental wellbeing.

time-read
5 mins  |
July 2024
Take me to the river
The Australian Women's Weekly

Take me to the river

With a slew of new schedules and excursions to explore, the latest river cruises promise to give you experiences and sights you won’t see on the ocean.

time-read
4 mins  |
July 2024
The last act
The Australian Women's Weekly

The last act

When family patriarch Tom Edwards passes away, his children must come together to build his coffin in four days, otherwise they will lose their inheritance. Can they put their sibling rivalry aside?

time-read
8 mins  |
July 2024
MEET RUSSIA'S BRAVEST WOMEN
The Australian Women's Weekly

MEET RUSSIA'S BRAVEST WOMEN

When Alexei Navalny died in a brutal Arctic prison, Vladimir Putin thought he had triumphed over his most formidable opponent. Until three courageous women - Alexei's mother, wife and daughter - took up his fight for freedom.

time-read
8 mins  |
July 2024
The wines and lines mums
The Australian Women's Weekly

The wines and lines mums

Once only associated with glamorous A-listers, cocaine is now prevalent with the soccer-mum set - as likely to be imbibed at a school fundraiser as a nightclub. The Weekly looks inside this illegal, addictive, rising trend.

time-read
10 mins  |
July 2024
Jenny Liddle-Bob.Lucy McDonald.Sasha Green - Why don't you know their names?
The Australian Women's Weekly

Jenny Liddle-Bob.Lucy McDonald.Sasha Green - Why don't you know their names?

Indigenous women are being murdered at frightening rates, their deaths often left uninvestigated and widely unreported. Here The Weekly meets families who are battling grief and desperate for solutions.

time-read
10+ mins  |
July 2024
Growing happiness
The Australian Women's Weekly

Growing happiness

Through drought flood and heartbreak, Jenny Jennr's sunflowers bloom with hope, sunshine and joy

time-read
8 mins  |
July 2024
"Thank God we make each other laugh"
The Australian Women's Weekly

"Thank God we make each other laugh"

A shared sense of humour has seen Aussie comedy couple Harriet Dyer and Patrick Brammall conquer the world. But what does life look like when the cameras go down:

time-read
7 mins  |
July 2024
Winter baking with apples and pears
The Australian Women's Weekly

Winter baking with apples and pears

Celebrate the season of Australian apples and pears with these sweet bakes that will keep the midwinter blues away.

time-read
10+ mins  |
July 2024
Budget dinner winners
The Australian Women's Weekly

Budget dinner winners

Looking for some thrifty inspiration for weeknight dinners? Try our tasty line-up of low-cost recipes that are bound to please everyone at the table.

time-read
5 mins  |
July 2024