THE SECRET WE FELT WE HAD TO KEEP

From gruelling treatment to heartbreaking miscarriages, these three women spent years trying to become mums

-  KATE GRAHAM

‘I had a growing sense of shame’
Sarah Lawrence, 47, lives in Kent with her husband Jim, 49.

When I met Jim through friends in 1995, neither of us was even thinking about kids, but after I stopped taking the pill aged 28, as it was affecting my mental health, my biological clock kicked in practically overnight.

After we got engaged in 2010, when I was 34, we decided to start trying for a baby. I hadn’t fallen pregnant by our wedding the following year, but I was still optimistic. In May 2012, I was thrilled to finally see a positive pregnancy test. Then, at six weeks, we lost the baby.

While we didn’t feel able to share news of the miscarriage with friends and family, I had to tell my boss because I needed time off from my job in financial services.

ACCEPTANCE

I had a growing sense of shame about my infertility. If someone asked, ‘Do you have kids?’ I’d change the subject. In late 2013, I decided to see yet another gynaecologist, who referred me for a laparoscopy to examine my abdomen and pelvis. I was told I had stage four endometriosis and wouldn’t be able to have children naturally.

Devastated and in denial, I tried acupuncture, homoeopathy and reflexology. I bought crystals for fertility and followed a special diet. Eventually, I started seeing a counsellor, and working with her helped me accept that what the doctor had told me was true.

We had been offered IVF on the NHS after the laparoscopy, but decided not to pursue it, as during my last investigation we’d found out only one of my ovaries was working, so the chances of it being successful were small. And after everything we’d been through, I couldn’t face going through the adoption process.