Anger Management

How to control your temper.

- Padmaja Menon

The other day, I met one of my old friends and found her pretty much in a sad frame of mind. Upon asking she was not very forthcoming but when I hugged her - she sort of clutched me and broke down. I did not rush her. And slowly it all came out. Her daughter had anger issues. And it had escalated recently to such an uncontrollable state that she had to be restrained.

Usually, she verbally lashed out at her family. But suddenly she had lost control and slapped her son. Black and blue. If her husband had not come upon the scene... Of course, she broke down and was aghast, disbelieving, shocked, remorseful and ashamed.

But the deed had been done and she had lost the trust of her child. He cowered when he glimpsed her anywhere and now was with his grandmom, my friend Sangita.

Her husband also did not know how to tackle her as she had always been unapproachable. Especially with family, she was abrupt and rude with her brother, her parents, her in-laws too and this was odd.

No one outside of her family had ever seen her angry side and they wouldn't believe she had one. How could anyone be so different or have two faces? And why the anger at home? Sangita was sure she was like her father, who also had anger issues and she felt helpless to handle him. The children had grown up in such an atmosphere so, maybe, now the genes were expressing up. What could be done?

I googled this damn emotion Anger and something that struck me was that anger was an active manifestation of sadness. Was that true? Was Sangita's daughter sad? No, it didn't seem so. She was well settled. Had good job, husband, house, bank balance, kids...

Was there a childhood issue apart for an angry father? Was her anger a passive form of sadness? So, what was the way out? Decide to be happy and forget whatever it was that was making her sad? Easier said than done. I approached Google guru again. It spoke: