"Help me deal with patronizing people!"

We’ve all dealt with people whose condescending attitudes have made us feel bad. Here, experts share easy ways to change the script

It’s not you Trust your gut 

Patronizing people often leave us unsure of how to respond. “They appear to be kind while also acting superior, so it’s confusing,” says expert Oona Metz. “Ask yourself: Do I feel belittled or minimized?” She adds that someone can be patronizing verbally, like saying, “Just relax,” and nonverbally, like someone rolling their eyes. Listen to your gut: If someone makes you feel “less than,” they’re likely patronizing you.

Cue inner calm

“When you feel patronized, take a moment to breathe,” says expert Nirmala Bijraj. Once you’re calm, you’ll be able to put words to your emotions. “You might tell yourself, I’m frustrated my plumber is ignoring me and talking to my husband.” This helps you decide what to say, like, “Thank you for coming; I’m the one who called, and I have a question.”