‘Mum's Breakdown Taught Me A Perfect Christmas Is An Imperfect One'

Unwrapped presents and slobbing around in pyjamas – that’s Carmen Marcus’s idea of the ideal Christmas Day. Here’s why…

CHRISTMAS DAY 2017, it’s gone 11am, I’m still in my pyjamas holding my breastfeeding one-year-old son Magnus with one hand and trying to turn off my mobile with the other. My phone is jingling like a reindeer stampede as friends send over pictures of their perfect Christmases: trees twinkling above parcel mountains; kids dressed as elves, puddings and angels. Meanwhile, at our house there are unwrapped presents under the kitchen table. I didn’t get a tree (my boy is a climber). He does at least have his penguin jumper on but there’s little chance of me actually capturing a picture of him.

Did I plan it this way? If, by planning, you mean avoiding ‘doing’ Christmas because just the thought of it filled me with the terror most folk reserve for Halloween, then yes, this is what I planned and it was beyond wondrous. It was beautiful and handmade, like the paper snowflakes I cut out the night before and cello taped to the walls.