Send In The Barbarian
The Walrus|April 2018

Dungeons & Dragons made me a nerd in high school. Now, everybody wants me to teach them how to play

George Murray
Send In The Barbarian

LOOKING OUT from behind the screen that hides my story notes and dice, I wait for a decision. The group at the table — made up of fathers my own age and their middle school-aged kids — huddles together to discuss strategy. I’ve just described what their characters see in the cavernous room around the bend in the cave: goblins, a dark wizard, and an ogre. We are here to run through the basics of playing Dungeons & Dragons. I’m their dungeon master.

The game itself is an exercise in shared storytelling. The dungeon master, or DM, provides the background, world, lore, and scene at hand. The players take turns declaring what actions they want their characters to take. Once the action is complete, the DM describes the outcome. Sometimes, the story turns out dramatic and intense; other times, it’s hilarious and low-key. This short adventure, played over three Sunday afternoon sessions, is coming to its climactic end. The object of the players’ quest lies on a goblin- surrounded altar: a ruby that can summon terrible powers. Their task is to rescue it from the foul clutches of the wizard so further evil might not be summoned into our imaginary world.

I describe the battle tactics of the bad guys, and the players tell me what their characters are doing. We all roll dice to see if each action is a success or failure. The fathers are playing halflings (similar to hobbits) and dwarves, and the kids are playing a hulking barbarian, a sly elven rogue, and a human martial-artist monk. Each player’s opinions and ideas are heard equally at the table. Do they rush in, swords and spells flashing, or do they sneak past, hoping to avoid detection?

The consensus this time is the same as the last: send the barbarian in first.

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