Is Your Sobbing A Setback.. Or A Strength?

No more tears? Not so fast. The science behind your sobbing—and what it’s *secretly* saying about you.

- Kelsey Haywood Lucas

The first time I remember really, truly being embarrassed about crying was in sixth grade. I was a new girl at a new school at my first boy/girl party. As we all sat around talking and playing games, a girl I didn’t know called me a really nasty name out of nowhere. It was direct, it was loud—and it was mortifying. Everyone in the room turned to stare at me, my face flaming up as I fought to hold back tears. I didn’t know what to say, what to think, what to do—so I cried. In front of everyone. 

It’s been a while since that party. And while I’ve grown in many ways, I still frequently find myself quick to cry. Upset, angry, flustered? Cue the tears. Blissfully happy? Waterworks everywhere. Sad story on the news? Don’t look at me.

Yep, I’m a crier. And according to conversations I’ve had with many other young women, there are a lot of us out there. But why do we cry so much— and what does it mean? 

A lot, actually. And it’s pretty complicated. Experts say that highly sensitive individuals are often compassionate, gentle and creative. All extremely positive attributes, right?

But multiple studies show that when women cry, it can actually make us appear less competent. (A double standard that doesn’t apply to dudes, unfortunately.) So how can we stay true to ourselves...while still be seen as the strong, secure individuals we are? Read on (and weep…if you want). 

Types of tears

Wondering the difference between your watery allergy eyes and, say, Titanic-induced drops? There are three types of lacrimation (good SAT word, look it up!): basal, reflexive and psychic. Psychic tears are what we’re talking about—they’re the ones produced by any emotional response.