“I Moved In With My Boyfriend... And His Wife”

You meet the perfect guy, find out he’s married – then he asks you to join their relationship. Zachary Zane shares his story.

- Zachary Zane

Carolyn walks into my bedroom, dressed in her underwear, while I’m hunched over my laptop, trying to do some work before bed. “Hey,” she says, squeezing my shoulders as I reach over and hug her. “So, I’d really like to sleep with my husband tonight. Would that be OK?”

“Sure,” I nod, as Jason lazily gets out of my bed and kisses Carolyn.

Wait. Let me back up. I’m Zachary. Jason is my partner, Carolyn is his wife, and the three of us live together in a polyamorous relationship. Carolyn also has a serious girlfriend, and Jason and I see other men. While I’m not in a “relationship” with Carolyn – we’ve never had sex – she’s now one of my closest friends. And I know it may sound complicated but I’m happier than ever – even if it means sometimes I have to sleep solo, hearing Carolyn and Jason having sex next door.

I never actively sought out polyamory. In October 2015 I’d just got out of a long-term relationship with a woman and was exploring different aspects of my sexuality. I identified as bisexual but found the label complex – men and women didn’t believe I could be equally attracted to both genders.

In fact, the night I met Jason I was at a gay club, in an argument with two older friends about whether bisexuality existed. They seemed sceptical. But half an hour later, one of them came back from the bar, triumphantly dragging a muscular, tattooed man behind him.

“Look!” my friend said. “This guy says he’s bisexual. You guys should talk.” My breath caught as I surveyed his tattoos and piercings – just my type. The two of us began chatting: Jason explained that he was married, but dated men – and also shared a long-term girlfriend with his wife, Carolyn.