As his son prepares to fly the nest, one man takes a clear-eyed look at his performance as a father. Did he pass the most important exam you will sit?
Way back, when I was the one leaving home, I looked up from the driveway to the verandah at my farewell party of two. My mum was crying, while my dad looked annoyed. I think he felt I’d failed to lend the occasion its proper gravitas. And he was right. I’d marched out of there as though I were off to buy milk. Where were the solemn words of gratitude? Too young and foolish to know better, I’d blown the moment.
Thirty years on it’s my son – my first-born – who is about to fly the coop. It isn’t like I won’t see him anymore. He’s going all the way to the next suburb with his fiancée. But this is still the end of something. And with my crack at the daily fathering of my boy winding up, I’ve been thinking about how I did.
Well, let’s see. I didn’t stumble in drunk every night, or any night. I never forgot his birthday, swiped his pocket money or made a lunge at one of his girlfriends. So I probably don’t qualify as a train-wreck of a dad.
If you’re like me, however, you will have set the bar higher than out-fathering Thomas Markle. Good move. Because experts are increasingly tracing children’s prospects for long-term well-being to the father’s influence. According to Darrell Brown, author of Raised By Our Childhood Voices: One Father’s Journey to Raise Confident, Connected, Compassionate Boys, sons who miss out on the validation they need from their dad develop something called a “father wound”. Clinicians who’ve worked with thousands of men, Brown tells me, say that if you walk into any psychiatrist’s office, nine times out of 10 the root cause of the presenting problem is a father wound.
Have I inflicted one of those? Time for a lightning review of a 26-year relationship.
Bu hikaye Men's Health Australia dergisinin November 2018 sayısından alınmıştır.
Start your 7-day Magzter GOLD free trial to access thousands of curated premium stories, and 9,000+ magazines and newspapers.
Already a subscriber ? Giriş Yap
Bu hikaye Men's Health Australia dergisinin November 2018 sayısından alınmıştır.
Start your 7-day Magzter GOLD free trial to access thousands of curated premium stories, and 9,000+ magazines and newspapers.
Already a subscriber? Giriş Yap
Good Guy, Bad Drinker
When booze is involved, you might not be as charming as you think you are
How To Change Your Story
For a third of my life, I lived in an endless replay of the story of how I never measured up – a loop that kept me locked in a spiral of shame and meaningless hustling. Then I got the nudge to do some fact-checking
THE GOOD FIGHT
When the going gets tough . . . the tough put others first. Here we salute some of the more selfless and courageous responses to the COVID-19 pandemic. Why? Because hope and optimism are catchy. And in this time of crisis it’s worth remembering that the virus isn’t the only thing that spreads
TAKE REMOTE CONTROL
Working from home using furniture that isn’t built-for-purpose could take a toll on your body. MH editor Scott Henderson went hunting for solutions
Morgan Mitchell
The eye-catching star of the track has stopped running from a troubled past and is doing things her way. Get used to it
SNACK SIZED - WORKOUTS
Purpose-built for the busy man, micro workouts could make you stronger, fitter and more mobile. The best part? You can do them in self-isolation and integrate them into your working day
ENTER THE BEAST
Big, fast and ultra high-performing, Mercedes’ latest offering could make a grown man cry
KUMAIL NANJIANI CAN DO ANYTHING
TRANSFORM HIS WHOLE BODY. REIMAGINE A MARVEL HERO. REDEFINE THE ROLE OF LEADING MAN. AND (OF COURSE) MAKE US LAUGH
HOW 25 YEARS OF THE GEORGE FOREMAN GRILL CHANGED HOW MEN COOK
What happens when an ageing prizefighter, a quirky gadget and iconic ’90s marketing combine to take over the world?
BETTER MAN
Pop superstar Robbie Williams got in fighting shape while beating his mental demons into submission. Here he reveals how he pulled off perhaps the biggest transformation of them all