Harmony & Cancellation Culture

Erica Stonestreet asks, are we too quick these days to break off relationships?

- Erica Stonestreet

I was recently sent an email calling me out for hurting the sender’s feelings. The sender was entirely right to do so; my offense was inadvertent, but it did cause harm. The email ended with, ‘No need to respond.’ That stopped me short, because of course my first impulse was to apologize. I wasn’t sure what to do with ‘No need to respond.’ If the sender actually wanted me not to respond, they were denying any interest in an apology, cutting off my impulse to try to repair the relationship. If instead the comment was meant to relieve me of guilt, then it failed, since being told I’d hurt someone’s feelings naturally called up the minor guilt that comes with such inadvertent blunders; and guilt motivates apologies. It’s a handy feeling in that respect, despite – actually, because of – our dislike of it. And why else point out the infraction, if not to make an implicit demand for repair?

This was not remotely as strong as the shaming that takes place in a ‘cancelling’ of someone, but because this was a person with whom I had gotten along well, I felt abruptly cut off, and so the word ‘cancelled’ came to mind.