The Cheating Diaries- How Wives Deal With It!

The truth about his affair is out. Now what? Eight women tell Jo Upcraft how they found out and dealt with their partner’s betrayal.

- Jo Upcraft

“HE ACCUSED ME OF NOT GIVING HIM ENOUGH ATTENTION”

“We got engaged on our third date and were married 18 months later in 2005. My suspicions of an affair began four years later, when I was pregnant with my second son.

He mentioned a girl at work who’d approached him to be a reverse mentee, and how he was flaattered by her tenacity. Our friends and I joked that it clearly wasn’t a mentee she was after. We suggested he put a stop to it, but he didn’t.

A few months later, he didn’t come home some nights, claiming he was working late. I warned him to seriously think about whatever was going on because we now had two young sons. He continued to ‘sleep in the office’ more often.

After three months, he owned up to an affair with this colleague, adding that he was unwilling to end things with her.

We saw a relationship counsellor for help, but my husband stopped showing up. I went into crisis mode and singlemindedly pursued a divorce. Sometimes, he blamed his actions on having to live in an extended family home, or said we’d grown apart –despite our sex life being active – and that I didn’t give him enough attention. I coped, thanks to support from friends and Whatsapp group chats.

We are now divorced and both single. We have joint custody of our sons, and have discussed reconciliation, but I don’t feel ready emotionally. I may not have had the fairy tale ending, but I take care of myself and respect myself more.”

*Elspeth Liew, 35

“HE HAD AN AFFAIR, AND THEN I DID, TOO”

“Before he cheated on me, our relationship was tumultuous as we bickered over our different parenting styles. Despite the underlying unhappiness, I didn’t suspect he was cheating on me. Then I overheard him talking about his mistress to someone else on the phone.