Introduction to Bigfoot

Branson, Missouri: Where They Do So Very Many Things And All Of Them Well!

- Fyllis Hockman

Okay, I know not everyone believes in the Loch Ness Monster, the Easter Bunny or even Santa Claus but everyone believes in Bigfoot, right? Right???? I know this because I’ve actually been to his very own park in Branson, Missouri, dedicated to all things related to the big, hairy guy.

As we embarked on our Exploratory Expedition, we were forewarned that we would be seeing a large hairy beast during our very off-road tour of the rural Ozarks. An English-sounding narrator who’s been searching for Bigfoot for decades was piped in warning us not to exit even if threatened, not to shoot firearms and – the most damning of all – not to go on social media. We finally got to the farm where he had last been sighted. Gunshots were heard in the distance; broken branches were visible as were claw marks on trees and large footprints evident in the mud; audible screams, growls and smells permeated our psyches. And ahead, hairy beast indeed there was. About two dozen of them – a whole herd of Scottish Highland cows. Huge bovine creatures with mangy red fur covering their faces – could have all been Bigfoot except that they walked on four legs. Red herring number one. Red-hair herring?