A friendship forged in betrayal

WHEN SAMANTHA HOGG DISCOVERED HER BOYFRIEND RICHARD* WAS MARRIED, SHE SET OUT TO MAKE AMENDS WITH HIS WIFE. NEITHER WOMAN EXPECTED THEY’D BECOME EACH OTHERS’ FRIENDS AND SAVIOURS

- NOLWAZI DHLAMINI

When I was tagged in a picture on Facebook in October 2019, I immediately panicked and removed the tag because I felt ashamed. The photo was from a wedding I’d attended in August that year with my then-boyfriend, who – unknown to me – was married.

Richard and I met on a dating website, where he listed his status as single. Online dating sites are often used by married men. Some are honest about it, which I now appreciate, while others simply lie. He said he was divorced and even shared a story he’d made up, which made him even more convincing and gave us something in common, as I’m divorced too.

Richard wooed me and we began dating in May 2019. There were absolutely no signs that he had a wife. I even once told him it felt as if he was still married, and he laughed and said: ‘Then how could I spend so much time with you!?’ He was manipulative and played his game extremely well.

But a few months down the line, the cracks started showing. Our communication pattern became the biggest sign: he only ever called me from his car, often on his way home. Once he got there, the conversation would be cut short. Thereafter I wouldn’t hear from him until the next morning. I had yet to meet anyone from his life: children, friends or family. He also had zero digital footprints, which made his deception easier.