Clashing Parenting Styles? Find The middle Ground

Your socialisation has a huge impact on the way you raise your kids. But what happens when you and your husband don’t agree with each other’s parenting styles?

Your 16-year-old comes home with a term report full of below-average marks. Concerned, you sit them down and ask what the problem is. But when your husband sees the report, he immediately flips out and begins yelling at your son for his terrible academic performance. The two of you begin arguing over how to deal with the situation.

You and your husband clearly have different parenting styles, which regularly causes tension because you each have your own values that you refuse to compromise. How can you raise your children successfully without being at each other’s throats all the time?

Many aspects of your life can influence what kind of parent you become. Your early socialisation, your own parents, culture and religion, friends, your community, as well as parenting books and websites you read all play a role. Everyone has ideals for the way they’d like to raise their kids. However, you’re not the only parent of your child and you have to learn to raise him or her together successfully.

WHAT’S YOUR PARENTING STYLE?

Every parent-and-child duo has their own way of interacting with each other, which can either be positive and affirming, or volatile and counter-productive, says Port Elizabeth-based clinical psychologist Christine Slabbert. ‘The way you raise your kids strongly influences the relationship dynamics in your family and how successful you'll be as a parent and a family in general,’ she says. Most parents are a combination of these four types of parenting styles:

AUTHORITARIAN PARENTING

Do you expect your children to follow strict rules? Do you believe punishment is the best way to teach them a lesson? ‘Authoritarian parents fail to explain the reasoning behind these rules. Asked to clarify them, your stock response is: