Ending The Vicious Cycle

DO YOU AND YOUR PARTNER CONSTANTLY ARGUE ABOUT THE SAME ISSUES? PERHAPS IT’S TIME TO RESOLVE THOSE COMMUNICATION PROBLEMS

‘Everyone goes through bad patches in their relationships,’ says intimacy and relationship coach, Tracy Ziman Jacobs. ‘At some point, you might look at your partner and probably want to strangle them,’ she adds. Something may happen in your lives that results in a period of difficulty, such as the kids moving out of the house, the loss of a job or infidelity. However, there are those smaller issues that keep creeping up over and over again. While these hurdles may not seem like a big deal at first, if they go unresolved, they have the potential to develop into bigger problems. Every time they happen, you’ll sort them out and things will get back to normal for a while, but one trigger can cause the same issues to resurface and take you back to square one. It feels like a vicious circle. It may be that one of the partners has a bad habit that tends to develop into a bigger issue and hinders progress in the relationship. It becomes a constant topic that causes arguments and unhappiness.

Identify the problem

According to Tracy, an example of a trigger that keeps recurring can be unresolved sexual issues that the couple keeps sweeping under the carpet. This is never the solution to any problem because it doesn’t get rid of it. Instead the ‘dirt’ under the carpet keeps piling up until it’s out of control. For instance, a husband’s diabetes could cause impotence and therefore affect the couple’s intimacy. When his wife tries to address the issue, he shuts down and avoids the topic. Another example is perhaps a wife’s constant splurging on shopping sprees, even when the couple’s finances don’t allow it.