The Comparison Trap
Your Family|March 2019

Constantly Weighing Up Your Relationship Against Others And Wondering Whether The Grass Is Greener On The Other Side Can Damage Your Partnership.

Nolwazi Dhlamini
The Comparison Trap

While a little envy is human nature, focusing too much on what your sister’s husband does for her can slowly take away from the happiness in your own marriage. Joburg-based relationship expert and life coach Paula Quinsee says comparisons set unrealistic expectations for couples, often leaving them feeling disappointed and let down by their partners. ‘Every relationship is unique, so you’re doing yourself and your partner a great injustice. It keeps you focusing on the things your partner is not doing and you end up forgetting all the wonderful things they do for you. This could lead to a toxic space where you become critical and fault-finding, blaming and shaming them, which can ultimately destroy the happiness you once shared,’ warns Paula.

Keeping up with the Joneses

When you spend your days envying the lives of others, you stop focusing on your own relationship. Because you spend all your energy on something else, you eventually stop putting in effort where it matters. ‘Likening ourselves to others can happen in a number of ways, including emotionally, socially, intellectually, and financially. It’s dangerous because it can keep us unhappy about our own lives, and leads to feelings of low self-worth, low self-esteem and jealousy. It also shifts our focus away from the positive things we have going for us and we can end up becoming competitive while trying to “keep up with the Joneses”. This leads to feeling demotivated and as though there’s no other purpose in life. We also start having unrealistic expectations of our partners, which are impossible for them to live up to.’

Social media: the modern killjoy

Bu hikaye Your Family dergisinin March 2019 sayısından alınmıştır.

Start your 7-day Magzter GOLD free trial to access thousands of curated premium stories, and 9,000+ magazines and newspapers.

Bu hikaye Your Family dergisinin March 2019 sayısından alınmıştır.

Start your 7-day Magzter GOLD free trial to access thousands of curated premium stories, and 9,000+ magazines and newspapers.

YOUR FAMILY DERGISINDEN DAHA FAZLA HIKAYETümünü görüntüle
Beat The Disease To Please
Your Family

Beat The Disease To Please

Is saying ‘yes’ is a habit that’s leaving your own needs constantly overlooked, as you put everyone else’s needs before yours? How can you break the cycle of people- pleasing and put yourself first?

time-read
5 dak  |
June 2020
Quaran-Teens Help Them Manage Their Mental Health
Your Family

Quaran-Teens Help Them Manage Their Mental Health

Teens climbing the walls during covid-19? Restlessness isn’t the only thing to be concerned about, writes daniella renzon, community service clinical psychologist

time-read
5 dak  |
June 2020
Know Your Headache Migraine, Tension Or Cluster?
Your Family

Know Your Headache Migraine, Tension Or Cluster?

It’s common for people to refer to any splitting headache as a migraine, but this might not always be the case

time-read
5 dak  |
June 2020
Going Through A Friendship Crisis?
Your Family

Going Through A Friendship Crisis?

Is your waning social life affecting your marriage?

time-read
5 dak  |
June 2020
Life Post-Lockdown
Your Family

Life Post-Lockdown

Pandemic panic, brain fog and ocd… as you get back to life un-usual, psychologist marise swart shares some advice on some common issues that may affect your mental health

time-read
5 dak  |
June 2020
How To... Make Gluten-Free Flours
Your Family

How To... Make Gluten-Free Flours

Prepare these gluten-free flours to replace cake flour or self-raising flour in your favourite recipes!

time-read
2 dak  |
June 2020
Cosmetic Treatments: Everything You Need To Know
Your Family

Cosmetic Treatments: Everything You Need To Know

Considering a cosmetic procedure, but aren’t sure what to expect? Cape town based general and aesthetic practitioner dr jan nel offers his valuable insights

time-read
7 dak  |
June 2020
LOVING LOCAL
Your Family

LOVING LOCAL

LOCAL FASHION BRANDS ARE HELPING US BECOME MORE CONSCIOUS SHOPPERS IN THIS EVER-CHANGING WORLD, WITH THEIR BEAUTIFULLY CRAFTED ECO-FRIENDLY WARDROBE PIECES

time-read
5 dak  |
June 2020
Listen Up
Your Family

Listen Up

EVER NOTICE HOW YOUR CHILD’S BIONIC EARS PICK UP EVERY WORD OF YOUR PRIVATE CONVERSATIONS, YET COMPLETELY TUNE OUT WHEN YOU REALLY NEED THEM TO LISTEN? OUR EXPERTS OFFER SOME CONSTRUCTIVE ADVICE ON HOW TO MAKE YOURSELF HEARD

time-read
4 dak  |
June 2020
Blood couldn't make us any closer'
Your Family

Blood couldn't make us any closer'

THE TITLE OF ‘DAD’ DOESN’T ONLY BELONG TO SOMEONE YOU SHARE DNA WITH. THESE MEN HAVE FILLED THE FATHER FIGURE ROLE AND RAISED THEIR CHILDREN AS THEIR OWN

time-read
8 dak  |
June 2020