WHEN TO STOP Parenting

DR. ICHAK ADIZES explores some aspects of parenting, in particular when to let go of the role, and how to develop mutual trust and respect between parents and children. He also extrapolates his ideas to succession planning in organizations, so as to enable growth and continuous improvement.

- DR. ICHAK ADIZES

We’ll start with a joke. A guy goes to work and he’s all scratched and bloody and blue and beaten up. So his coworkers ask him, “What happened?” “I buried my mother-in-law yesterday.” “What happened?” “She did not cooperate.” This is an extreme situation when you try to parent somebody you should not parent anymore.

What I’m learning in old age is that at a certain point in time, children resent being parented. Don’t want to be told what to do, don’t want to learn the experience of the elders. That was not true in the past. My grandfather was the boss. His word was law, including for my father, who was in his 40s. My father was also the dominant figure in my family, and I never dared to disobey him. He continued giving me advice and instructions on what to do until he died. I didn’t like it, but I listened. Yes, it was in the last century. I am 83 now.