The Eldest Child Impasse

Is it my fault that I am the firstborn? Never let your child feel that way.

- Babita Chopra

"I was so happy when my sister was born. It was amazing! I had another little person to fuss over. I became an overprotective older brother, one who would insist on holding onto my little sister tightly no matter where we went.

Little did I realize that I would become an adult trapped in a child's body. I used to be obsessed over, smothered with love and used to be the center of attention. Once my younger sister came, I kind of got pushed aside. It hurt me and created a feeling of insecurity. I started feeling jealous. I misbehaved, hurt the younger one, and simply wallowed in self-pity, just to draw the attention of my parents. In the course of all this, I got scolded and at times also beaten up.

I wish I could trade places and become the youngest. I want people to experience the 'eldest child impasse'. Then they will know what I go through."

This was the heartfelt pain of an elder sibling who was sent to us for counseling. His mother shared that he had become too rebellious and tried to attract attention by doing all the wrong things. On speaking to him he shared the above.

Whether the elder sibling is 3, 13 or 30 years old, lifelong they will remain the elder one and will have to go through their share of challenges. What best as a parent we can do is rectify the mistakes that we commit during their upbringing.