Breaking Good

Ending a marriage is never easy, but a generation of successful women – including many who watched their parents’ relationships go down in flames – is finding a better way to divorce

- Monica Corcoran Harel

‘Conscious uncoupling.’ It was the parting shot heard around the world when Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin announced their intention to split amicably, even lovingly, in 2014. An epic backlash to their take on separation ensued. How dare the actress make one of the most stressful moments in life sound like a DIY spa treatment? But Gwyneth was onto something already afoot: a craving for a kinder, gentler way to dissolve a marriage – simply put, a good divorce.

Since then, a bevy of new tools for taking the high road has flooded the marketplace. There are books like Splitopia: Dispatches From Today’s Good Divorce and How to Part Well, as well as sites such as Wevorce, which helps couples avoid a messy, acrimonious court battle. The newly single can celebrate with a divorce party or go somewhere exotic on a ‘divorcemoon’. Lost the espresso maker in the split? You can set up a divorce registry. There are even ‘divorce hotels’, where you check in unhappily married and, 48 hours later, you check out single and refreshed. But beyond all of this is the notion that a harmonious split can lead to better health, a more fulfilling career, and even an evolved relationship with a partner you once wanted to throttle.

‘I always say we had the most amazing divorce but a really terrible marriage,’ says Los Angeles-based fashion designer Mary Alice Haney, of her first marriage to Graham Larson, whom she met 17 years ago. After four years of dating and a few not-so-blissful wedded years, she realised, ‘We weren’t soul mates and we both knew it.’ But, she adds, ‘When you’re young like we were, you just think marriage is supposed to be that hard.’ In 2008, the couple sought counselling with a therapist to discuss separating and a custody arrangement for their two toddler sons. No matter what, she says, they vowed to have a ‘happy divorce’.